CNF Online Journal 1: “My Name.”

Unlike others, my parents didn’t have anything in mind for my name before I let out my first cry in the world. They saw my face and named me Angel. There’s nothing fancy behind it.

I’ve always found my name boring. No offense to my parents, but it sounds very plain to me. Countless surveys indicate that Angel is indeed one of the most common names in the Philippines. I am sure you can find anyone named Angel, or a variation of it, on every street that exists. To be honest, I don’t like that I share the same name with so many people. If you wonder why, well, it is because I want to be known as my person. I grew up with people always associating me with other people named Angel. I would introduce myself and they would start calling me Angel Locsin instead. I honestly hated it.

I entered high school and finally, I got the chance to name. Looking back, I already forgot how my nickname came to be Angge. I just know how much I liked it when people started addressing me by my new nickname. It felt more personal. It suited me more. To me, if I were to associate Angge with a color, it would be yellow. A very bright color. It looks jolly and fun, but since it is a very vivid color it looks intimidating as well. A description that I think explains best my personality. People tell me that whenever they see me around, I always have the biggest smile on my face. I guess I need to thank my friends, because of them I laugh most of the time. They say I look very kind and sweet. But despite all of these praises, I would still hear that they think I am quite hard to approach. To be honest, I don’t disagree. Even if I am perceived as someone welcoming, I find it hard to actually let people inside my circle. I am quite shy and don’t do well in big crowds. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to people, it’s just I don't know how to talk to people.

Now that I’m entering college, I am once again thinking of a new nickname I can use. One that will fit the new me who has changed extremely because of the one-year-long pandemic. I believe I have changed so much during this period of time. Yellow is now becoming a color too bright for me. I think I am now slowly becoming more reserved and calm. Something more neutral would suit me now.

But at the end of the day, no matter how boring and plain I think my name is, I still am and will always be Angel, or Anghela if my parents are mad. The one with a heart too big for her body, Although, she has yet to figure out her love language for every person who holds a special place in her heart.